Single and Frustrated

But not for the reasons you might think...

This isn't going to be a "woe is me" thing. But, I'll be completely honest.

I feel like I have a clock somewhere ticking.

 

(by the way- googling "biological clock" was a mistake...)

It's not like I am THAT old. (I am 28, just in case you need it for, you know, frame of reference)

But it's true, there is a clock ticking in the back of my head. I want a family someday. I want kids.

I also want to be completely selfish.

I want to get married and enjoy married life for a little while before I start a family. And my mind goes into overdrive wondering if the longer I go single, the less time I will be able to be selfish and enjoy married life. (I should point out that there is absolutely NO prospects on the horizon, so of course said marriage is purely hypothetical)

I want to travel. I want to have fun and just be with the person I love. I want to experience that part of a relationship before settling down.

I am not old. I know this...but I also have had warped sense of where I should have been at this point in my life. I was the one at 19/20 years old who had dreams of being married by 26, with kid(s) by 30.

Obviously THAT didn't happen.

I'm not complaining about single. Mostly because a) I am used to it by now. I've spent most of my adult life not in a relationship of any sort. b) I have a lot of work still to do on myself and my confidence and taking care of ME. c) It is what it is, and I realize that the more I think and search for it, the more elusive it will be.

I'm not going to settle just to fix this uncertain feeling. I want to be HAPPY.

How does one go about changing their perspective and maybe pushing that incessant tick-tock out of the mind? How do I convince myself that I will be able to work this out? Or do I just need to have hope and faith that it will all work out for me...